Thursday, April 14, 2011

It's hot.
Today I was smart enough to war a long sleeved button-down over a tank top. Then I was smart enough to walk all the way from my job at NGJ to Amber's with the long sleeved button-down. Then I was smart enough to decline a ride from Mike on his monster machine with the long sleeved button-down. Then I was smart enough to believe Justin when he texted and said all the doors would be unlocked in the long sleeved button-down. Then I was smart enough to go sliding my hands along every dusty, spider-filled surface to find the key in the long sleeved button-down because Justin was smart enough to lie to me.
But what I am actually smart enough to do is go into their house, drink their kombucha, use their computer, and then steal their car in the the long-sleeved button down so I can go up to my in-laws house a half a mile away and await my very own personal Prince Charming as he rides in on his white truck to sweep me off my feet and feels sorry for me that I have been wearing a long sleeve button-down all day. Amber and Justin will never find out how much havoc I have wrecked! Never will they know! I love being smart enough...

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Dependency 101

Once upon a time, in a land most likely far, far away from you, there lived a newlywed blonde who once was very smart.
She read early, spoke early, understood early, back-talked early... when she grew older she could she noticed everything about everyone and figured out the going-on's of life around her quickly. She knew she was smart, she was often told she was smart. Until one day...
She met the love of her life, who happened to be brilliant. Brilliant. She admired his wit-filled ways and was thrilled to find someone who "understood", like she felt she did.
Well, she fell in love with the love of her life, the feeling was mutual, and they went to the chapel and got married. Actually it was a huge room but it was a wedding nonetheless.
She grew to be very, very twitterpated, and with becoming very, very twitterpated, a girl can become... a twit.
She did not realize she had caught this virus until she started breaking things. The man is the clumsy one right? Nooooo.... not when you are twitterpated. First she destroyed her crockpot, then she destroyed his truck, then she destroyed his truck again about 10 minutes after the first destruction. Then she threw a porclein wedding gift onto the back of the destroyed truck and broke it in two...or fifteen... pieces. I will not list all the things I... er... she broke, because it is too long. Not mentioning that she can no longer do math, notice things, and struggles with singing on key.
Her dilemma is that her husband is too smart. MUCH too smart. Much too capable, much too observant, much too agile, much too thoughtful, much too careful. She had learned to rely on him to completely that she KNEW he'd figure it out! Of course he'd figure it out! Did she have to worry about a thing? Nawwww.... her husband is AMAZING!
So. She is trying to use her brain again. She is still twitterpated, and her husband is still a genius, but she is trying to find her old roots. Somehow... in the distance... beyond the horizon... on the glassy sea...